Data tells us that in Australia, more than 20 percent of us have no close friends.

Combined with the perceived difficulty of making friends in adulthood and shallowness in existing friendships, we’re in what Friendship Lab founder Sheridan Voysey calls a “wellbeing crisis” that needs remedying.

In 2008 when he was attending a seminar on becoming a foster parent, Sheridan was asked a question by the moderator that motivated the development of Friendship Lab.

“Who could you call at 2am when everything has gone wrong?,”

“I sat there with my pen hovering over the workbook because I couldn’t think of whose name to write down.”

In the busyness of work and media commitments as a writer, broadcaster and husband, Sheridan realised he’d neglected connection and his friendships suffered.

“That was my personal wake-up call,” Sheridan said.

Through Friendship Lab, Sheridan now provides resources that teach the often-overlooked basics of finding and maintaining friendships so we can be more intentional about these fundamental relationships.

“We mistake friendship for almost every other relationship,” Sheridan said.

“As wonderful as [our] colleagues are, they are not our friends. Colleagues can become our friends, but [a friend] is someone I can talk to, depend on, grow with and enjoy.”

Sheridan suggests that most of us just expect friendships to happen without thought. And the truth is, they just don’t.

“We’ve just neglected it,” Sheridan said.

“There’s this kind of myth around that friendship should just be something that happens. And the corollary to that is, that if it hasn’t happened maybe there’s something wrong with me, and that’s not going to help at all.”

Another challenge to friendship, is knowing how to have the difficult conversations required to help it thrive over time and survive changing life seasons.

The “RADAR” method

Sheridan approaches these conversations with the “RADAR” method:

• Reaffirm the friendship.
• Address a specific incident.
• Describe how it made you feel.
• Ask for feedback.
• Request different behaviour if needed.

“[This dialogue] is actually an act of affection,” Sheridan said.

“It’s saying, ‘I value this friendship enough to have the awkward conversation.’”

The rise in AI friendships

Globally, trends also indicate a rise in the number of people turning to artificial intelligence for friendship which Sheridan finds especially concerning.

“The research in both the UK and in Australia is that somewhere around 30 to 33 percent of adults have now turned to a chatbot for companionship and friendship,” Sheridan said.

“It’s concerning because the loneliest and the most isolated are the most prone to do that. And it’s a classic bait and switch.

“The chatbot will promise you that [it’s] going to solve your loneliness [but] all the research that’s coming out now is actually suggesting it’s doing exactly the opposite: it makes you more lonely, makes you more isolated.

“People who use AI friends over a period of time are becoming more narcissistic, more self-centred, and unable or unwilling to see that they are at fault.”

If society carries on down a path where we neglect human connection and fail to develop the skills required for healthy friendships, Sheridan sees it as a tragic departure from our God-given design.

God is inherently relational

“Christians understand God as being Father, Son, Holy Spirit: one God, somehow made up mysteriously of three persons.

“Relationship is the very essence of God’s nature.”

“We’ve been made in God’s image, so we are made to relate to other people.”

Sheridan believes the Church has an important role to play in rebuilding community and helping people reconnect in meaningful ways.

“Your local church is one of the few organisations that regularly brings a variety of people together every week,” Sheridan said.

“We need other people,” he said.

Article supplied with thanks to Hope Media.

About the Author: Laura Bennett is a media professional, broadcaster and writer from Sydney, Australia.

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Here’s the science behind how many people you can realistically maintain meaningful relationships with, without draining all your energy.

Scroll through your social media platforms and you’ll see plenty of people with over 1000 friends or followers. It might make you feel like you don’t have enough and that you should be befriending people online every chance you get. The question is, how many of those will be truly close friends, the ones you actually talk to, share your life with or call when things get tough?

In our digital age, we’ve built larger social networks than ever before, but many of those connections are just online friends, not meaningful relationships or people we actually journey through life with. 

For mums, navigating friendships can feel even more complex. Between family schedules, kids and the demands of daily life, our social circle shifts dramatically. 

So what’s the optimal number of friends we really need for a good life and is it a smart idea to try to have lots of them?

The science behind how many friends we can have

Oxford University professor and psychologist Robin Dunbar studied how many people we can realistically maintain relationships with. His research, often called Dunbar’s number, found that humans can only manage about 150 meaningful connections at once. This isn’t just about Facebook friends or group chats; it’s about people we genuinely know and interact with in our social lives.

But Dunbar broke this number down further into smaller, nested layers, reflecting different levels of emotional closeness and time investment:

• 3–5 people: Your close circle, those you talk to and interact with daily or almost daily. They’re your close friends, your lifeline during difficult times, the ones you trust completely. The people you share your highs and lows with, laugh and cry together.
• 10 good friends: People who still affect your life deeply. You’d be devastated if something happened to them, but they aren’t your bestest friends.
• 35 casual friends: Those you might see at work, school events or your kids’ activities, people you know a bit about but aren’t fully in your inner world. These could be the mums you chat with each week while watching your kids play soccer. 
• 100 acquaintances: The rest, family members, old classmates and people you keep loosely connected with through social media.

That makes up Dunbar’s 150-person limit, the ideal number of meaningful connections most of us can comfortably sustain.

Age, stage and personality affect our friendships

Your friends group in high school was probably a larger circle. If it wasn’t, you felt left out and certainly not cool. If you were anything like most kids, you cared more about fitting in with a larger group and having lots of friends to share your social life with. In your 20s, quantity might have mattered more, with late nights out, group chats buzzing and larger social networks filled with new friends and shared experiences. The more friends, the better. 

But as we grow older, especially in our 30s and beyond, our priorities shift. Friendships become more about quality than quantity. We begin to value close relationships that bring emotional support and life satisfaction over maintaining a large number of casual friends.

And that’s perfectly normal. As a Pew Research Centre study noted, adults in midlife tend to have a smaller circle of close friendships but report higher life satisfaction because those relationships are deeper and more stable.

Our personality also plays a role. Extroverts may crave a larger circle of people and thrive on constant connection. Introverts, meanwhile, often prefer a small circle of close friends who bring calm and trust. Neither is wrong. It’s about recognising what fits your life best.

Friendships require energy and time

Friendship isn’t a passive thing. Real relationships take energy, emotional availability and most importantly, time. Every person has only so much to give.

When you become a mum, that time and energy get divided between children, family members, work and home life. It’s natural for your social network to shrink. Some friends will drift away; others might move from your close circle to your casual friends layer. That doesn’t mean the friendship failed. It just evolved with your life.

As your social lives change, you inevitably redistribute your attention. If you try to maintain a larger group of friends, you spread your emotional energy thinner and that can leave you feeling drained. 

Is it bad if I only have two close friends?

Not at all. Some people feel perfectly content with one or two close friendships. You might not have a larger circle anymore and that’s completely okay.

Your close friends are the ones you share your highs and lows with, who text to check on you, who know when you’re struggling. Even if that’s just one good friend, that connection can make a massive difference to your mental health and overall life satisfaction.

Psychologists agree that having meaningful connections, even with a small number of people, is one of the strongest predictors of a good life. It’s not about how many friends you have, but whether you have at least one person who truly gets you.

Friendship and wellbeing

Friendships aren’t just nice to have; they’re essential for emotional and physical wellbeing. Strong close relationships buffer stress, reduce loneliness and support better mental health.

According to the Pew Research Centre and other studies, people with supportive friend circles report higher happiness levels, less anxiety and even longer lifespans. A good friend offers emotional support during difficult moments and celebrates with you during the good times.

So, don’t make the mistake of trying to skip out on friends because you have no time or energy. You don’t need five or even two, but you should at least have one close, safe and healthy friend who you can do life with.

For mums, that emotional support can be life-changing. It might be the person who drops off the kids at school when you’re sick or the one who listens without judgement when you’re struggling to balance it all. Those close friendships remind you that you’re not alone and that connection is one of the best forms of self-care.

Building (or rebuilding) your friend circle

If you’ve looked around and realised your close circle has shrunk, don’t panic. It’s never too late to find new friends. Here’s how to be intentional about building meaningful relationships:

1. Assess your social network. Think about who’s in your close circle, friend group and casual friends. Knowing where people fit helps you invest your time wisely.
2. Be okay with a small circle. Don’t measure your friendships by the number of people you know. Two good friends might fill your life more than 20 casual friends.
3. Nurture what you have. Send that message, schedule that catch-up or reply to that text you’ve been putting off. Consistency builds close relationships.
4. Say yes to opportunities. Attend that mums’ meet-up, join a playgroup, volunteer or reconnect with someone from high school. Every person you meet could be the start of a meaningful connection.
5. Accept that friendships change. Some friends will move away or drift as life changes. That’s natural. Focus on the ones who show up and on being that good friend for others.

Quality over quantity

Ultimately, friendship isn’t a numbers game. Whether you have one good friend or a larger social network, the secret is quality. True close friendships bring trust, laughter and stability.

Your social circle doesn’t have to look like anyone else’s. For some mums, the ideal number might be a larger circle of people who energise them. For others, a small circle with just one or two close friends feels perfect.

Friendship is about meaningful relationships that make life richer, not busier. 

Article supplied with thanks to Mum’s At The Table

About the Author: Adriana is Mums At The Table’s part-time digital content creator and writes from Kingscliff, Queensland.

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What healthy friendships really look like at every stage of life

“Healthy friendships are all about mutuality,” says psychologist, Collett Smart. “It’s about being on that even field where one isn’t more important than the other.”

Collett discussed healthy friendships with Nathan Brewer, a youth worker; and Ian Barnett, the founder of the National Grandparent Movement.

Across the stages and ages of life, our life choices and circumstances will influence the friendships we look for. Some friendships we make are deep and long-lasting, others are only for a season. But no matter our circumstances, the signs of a healthy friendship are the same.

What does a healthy friendship look like?

When asked what a healthy friendship looks like, Collett described her best friend, and says the strength of their friendship, and any healthy friendship, is there is no judgement.

“When I’m with Lorraine … whatever I tell her, she’s not going to judge me in my freak-out moments, or my darkest moments. She’s there to listen, she’s really open. She doesn’t judge me if I don’t text her fast enough. We pick up where we left off.”

Collett also refers to the work of psychologist, Professor Prinstein, who uses the analogy of a ladder for unhealthy friendships, and the playing field for healthy friendships.

There can only be one person at the top of a friendship ladder, and clinging on no matter what it takes is not healthy for anyone; not for the person on top, or the people striving to be at the top.  But on a friendship playing field, everyone enjoys mutual respect and an even footing.

Teenagers are particularly susceptible to unhealthy friendships, says Nathan.  When a power balance is at play, he says, young people find themselves on the unhealthy friendship ladder instead of the healthy playing field.

“A healthy friendship is quite inclusive and wants more people to join that circle, where an unhealthy friendship is often, ‘it’s just you and me’, at the expense of your other friends … Things that the child or teenager used to love, they kind of grow cold against because of the friendship.”

As we age, says Ian, our friendships will inevitably endure disagreements and differences of opinion, but in a healthy friendship, these struggles are always broached with mutual respect. A lifetime of experience and maturity bring the benefit of wisdom to these situations.

“There are certain relationships you have to maintain, but as you get older, there are certain things that you realise, ‘That is not helpful for me’ … It’s OK to say yes, and it’s OK to say no. We need to work out how to build confidence in not worrying about what ‘they’ will think.”

Knowing our boundaries, and learning how to respectfully communicate them, are essential pieces of the puzzle for healthy friendships. Good friends will respect those boundaries because they want the best for us, no matter how our friendships shift and change.

Article supplied with thanks to Helping Hands TV.

About the Author: Helping Hands is an Australian produced TV program that airs on 9GEM, Channel 9 and 9NOW, and showcases people and organisations who make the world a better place.

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Self-identity is how we see and understand ourselves—knowing who we are, what we believe in, and how we feel about ourselves.

Susan Woodworth from Walk and Talk Psychology explains that a stable self-identity links to better mental health, a stronger sense of belonging, and validation from others. Friends play a key role in this by providing acceptance and a space to explore personal growth.

Friends and family shape self-identity through belonging and roles. The people we choose to surround ourselves with offer acceptance, which builds a positive self-image and reinforces core values. Family roles—like being a mum, sibling, or older sister—start this process early, evolving into social groups as we age, such as sporty or academic circles where we take on roles like leader or mediator.

Friends as Mirrors

Friends act as mirrors reflecting our inner selves. Consider five people you feel strongly about: what do you admire, share in common, or find irritating? Admiration often highlights traits you’re proud of or aspire to. Common ground validates your current values and sense of belonging. Irritation signals opposites to your values—what you don’t want to become.​

Different friends naturally bring out different personality sides, showing adaptability rather than inauthenticity. If your friends don’t align with how you see yourself, it can feel confusing. Choosing who to hang out with matters: surround yourself with those who make your identity feel balanced and true.

Parenting and Guiding Kids

Parents can gently guide children toward positive self-views by staying curious about their friendships. Ask what they like about these friends and what sides of themselves emerge. Friends help kids explore personality facets and decide what they want to become. Encourage meaningful interactions that build a strong personal identity.​

Susan reminds us that choosing surroundings thoughtfully foster mental wellbeing. By reflecting on our “mirrors” and roles, we discover more about ourselves and grow authentically.

Article supplied with thanks to Sonshine.

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I’ve lived in the same street for thirteen years now. One of the nice outcomes of this is that, whenever I leave the house, there’s always someone to say hello to.

There’s Lisa who runs the hairdressers, James who runs the launderette, and then. . . there’s Dave. Bearing a striking resemblance to Homer Simpson (a comparison he himself makes), Dave has taken it upon himself to be the neighbourhood entertainer. He puts signs on the street saying, “Honk if you’re happy!” He once put a manikin on the footpath holding a mirror with a sign that said, “You look lovely today!” Most afternoons Dave brings out his Bluetooth boombox and plays Bruce Springsteen at full volume—a gift many neighbours are yet to appreciate.

Meet Dave

Dave has a big heart, a big laugh, and is always ready with an opinion. So when I saw him a while back, I shouldn’t have been surprised when he looked me up and down and said, “You’ve put on weight!” I stumbled to reply. “I, I guess I have,” I said. Then he added, “As you were walking up, I thought to myself, There’s a man who’s gained some kilos.” You’ve got to love a neighbourhood where people recognise your face and your BMI.

“You’ve put on weight!” – Dave, neighbour

For the record, I don’t think it’s wise to comment on your neighbour’s weight! But there was something refreshing about Dave’s words. Politeness doesn’t serve us well when there are truths we need to hear, and research shows we’re not always great at telling them. One of the interesting discoveries from our 1100-respondent Friendship Lab Survey was that when a friendship breaks down, the cause is rarely discussed. Whether it’s unhealthy choices, annoying habits, or just the fact the new haircut doesn’t work, we need someone who’ll tell us the truth.

Truth with Love

The apostle Paul has some helpful advice on how to do this, telling us to “Speak the truth in love.” Speaking the truth requires getting brave and saying what needs to be said instead of hiding behind politeness or false flattery. The in love bit includes picking the right time and delivering the truth kindly, with the other person’s best interests at heart. This also says to me that when I’m on the receiving end, I should hear the truth in love too—listening humbly, rather than getting defensive.

Walking away from Dave, I checked my reflection in the window and had to admit he was right. I’d let the exercise slip. I’d lost track of my calories. I’d feel better losing a few kilos. The diet started the following Monday. And the next time Springsteen blasts across the street, well. . . it might just be my turn to speak the truth in love.

Article supplied with thanks to Sheridan Voysey.

About the Author: Sheridan Voysey is an author and broadcaster on faith and spirituality. His latest book is called Reflect with Sheridan. Download his FREE inspirational printable The Creed here.

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Australia is facing what many describe as a loneliness epidemic, with a third of us reportedly feeling lonely and one in four of us experiencing chronic, severe loneliness.

Psychologist Rachel Harker, founder of dating app Tribal and its friendship offshoot Connect by Tribal, wanted to do something that addresses the widespread social disconnection.

“Loneliness does not just affect singles, it affects everyone,” Rachel said.

“Parents, professionals, retirees – all of us are vulnerable to feeling disconnected.”

We know technology is one of the biggest drivers of loneliness, but so too is our reduced ability to be linked in to in-person communities.

“Everyone is behind a screen for a large portion of the day,” Rachel said.

“And [the way] modern society runs is very individualistic.

“We don’t have that community vibe like we used to.”

Rather than rejecting technology altogether, Rachel’s approach is to reshape it.

“I took a step back and said, ‘how can we embrace technology because it’s where the world is going’, but use it in a much more positive way?” Rachel said.

That vision led to Connect by Tribal, a values-based friendship app that “matches” friends based on those values to encourage deeper and more lasting connections.

“We can have really different personalities, but if we’ve got that core aligned value, that’s the key,” Rachel said.

The app’s designed to help those friendships to translate into face-to-face spaces through its “community circles”.

“The [community circles] is a group chat feature where you can connect with users based on aligned interest or groups,” Rachel said.

“If you’re new to town, new parent, a pet lover, a foodie, you can connect and chat about that interest topic in particular.

“So it goes beyond just one-on-one conversations.”

Rachel hope for Australian’s feeling isolated is that her platform will provide safe, meaningful ways for people to find friendship and belonging.

“Swiping on a photo for a friend just didn’t sit well with me,” Rachel said.

“It doesn’t matter what our friends look like. True friendship is about personality and aligned interests.”

Article supplied with thanks to Hope Media.

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Making friends at school isn’t always easy. Sometimes, kids come home feeling left out, upset, or even anxious. Parenting expert Michelle Mitchell unpacks what’s really going on and how parents can help.

Friends Can Come from Anywhere

“Friends can come in all places and spaces,” said Michelle. “They don’t have to be the same age or even from school.”

Still, many kids go through seasons where they feel like they don’t belong. “We probably all remember a time we didn’t fit in with a group,” she shared.

When Loneliness Lasts Too Long

Feeling left out for a short time is normal. But if it goes on too long, it can affect a child’s mental health.

“If our child is in that space for an extended period,” Michelle said, “they might start thinking something is wrong with them.”

She explained that this kind of thinking can lead to anxiety, self-doubt, and even depression.

Don’t Project Your Worries

As parents, we often feel anxious when our kids don’t seem to fit in.

“But if we think something is drastically wrong,” Michelle said, “we might project that onto our kids.”

Instead, take a step back. Many kids bounce back socially as they grow. Some even make lifelong friends later in life.

When Social Struggles Persist

Michelle noted a difference between short-term struggles and ongoing problems. “If year after year, your child is still struggling, there may be a need for extra support,” she said.

In rare cases, a change of school has helped but it’s not always a fix. “Research says most problems follow kids when they move,” Michelle explained, “usually around six to eight months later.”

The Rumination Spiral

What if your child comes home upset every day, going over the same story? “We call that looping or ruminating,” Michelle said. “And it can spiral their self-view in a negative direction.”

Kids might say things like, “No one likes me,” or “I’m a loser.” They might fixate on messages or gossip in group chats.

Too Much Talk Can Backfire

Parents want to help. But endless conversations about social issues can backfire. “It can actually make things worse,” Michelle warned. “It often leads to catastrophising.”

Instead of encouraging more talk, help your child reset. “Get them off their phone. Give them space. Let them play Lego with their younger sibling,” she suggested.

Space can give them a fresh mindset and reduce the emotional charge.

When They Don’t Want to Go to School

Some kids become so overwhelmed they refuse to go to school. This could be caused by anxiety or bullying.

Either way, Michelle said, “Trusted adults need to come together to form a plan. Not to push the child, but to help them take small steps forward.”

Let your child be part of that plan. “We want to talk to our kids like they’re powerful people,” she added. “Not take their power away.”

Teaching Emotional Regulation

Helping kids manage their feelings is a key parenting role but it’s not about saying more.

“Over-talking can push people away,” Michelle said. “Sometimes, we just need to zip it and listen.”

Even though kids are encouraged to share, they also need to learn when it’s helpful and when it isn’t.

What If They Have the Wrong Friends?

It’s hard to watch your child form friendships with kids who are a bad influence. But forcing change rarely works.

“When kids leave our home, we can’t control who they hang out with,” Michelle said. “So focus on them, not their friends.”

She recommends saying something like, “I like you. And I miss the you I know. What’s going on?”

Compassion matters. “For teenagers, there’s nothing worse than being alone,” Michelle explained.

When Attitudes Start Changing

But what if those friendships are now changing your child’s behaviour?

“Name it. Be honest about where you stand,” Michelle advised. “And still love them exactly where they’re at.”

Set boundaries calmly. “Say, ‘I love you. But my answer is still no for that party or whatever it is.’”

Making New Friends in Term Two

What about kids who want to make friends but feel all the groups are already formed?

Michelle’s advice: Start small. “Look for micro moments someone sitting alone, someone who drops something. Say hi.”

Small steps can lead to big connections.

Article supplied with thanks to Sonshine.

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