Ending the epidemic of isolation

“We are made for relationships, we are made for connection,” says psychologist, Collett Smart. “Being social is so much a part of what feeds our wellbeing. And when we don’t have connection, we end up lonely.”

Collett is joined by mental health author and speaker, Graeme Cowan, and Hannah Gair, founder of StrongerHERside podcast, to explore the importance of intentional community connection.

Sense of connection

Quoting a recent Beyond Blue survey on how Australians view their wellbeing, Collett shares that although around 30% of Australians say that their wellbeing is excellent as a result of their sense of connection, this number is lower today compared to what it was following the same survey in 2022.

Among the 18-24-year-old age group, half of those surveyed not only said they felt lonely but also felt shame about their loneliness. And having wrongly concluded that their loneliness made them different to their peers, Collett explains, their assumption has the effect of compounding their sense of isolation even further.

Physical wellbeing

Graeme adds that, in addition to an impact on our mental health, our lack of connection can also have a significant negative effect on our physical wellbeing.

“When people feel disconnected and lonely, it’s been shown that it has the same health effect as smoking fifteen cigarettes per day.”

Ultimately, Graeme says, community is about satisfying a fundamental need to belong. He shares his own personal experience of community with other like-minded people who meet once a month and have been doing so consistently – not only enjoying the common interest that brought them together in the first place but supporting each in life as well.

“It’s been going for twenty-five years,” Graeme explains, “and the reason is that sense of community, that bonding. And over that period of time, members have been through divorce, bankruptcy and even death. But they (the group’s gatherings) are a consistent thing that happen every month where you feel you belong.”

Seasons of life changes

Hannah shares that it can also sometimes happen that our needs for community connection can change throughout the seasons of life. As a mum of a child living with a disability, Hannah highlights the importance of taking the time to intentionally look for the right connections for whatever stage or situation you find yourself.

“If you look at statistics for mothers who are raising children with disability, it varies between 60-80% of mothers actually feel isolated, and with isolation, can come a feeling of hopelessness and disconnectedness … it’s super-critical that community is paramount … paramount to getting through that journey.”

What is the best way to find the right community for you?

Collett summarises that our two simplest answers are to either join the community that appeals to us, or, if it doesn’t yet exist, start your own.

“Just put it out there,” Collett encourages, “that you would meet people in a public place; in a coffee shop, so that you’re safe about it. Meet people, because there are other people who are desperate for community, and they’re just waiting for someone to put their hand up and say, ‘Let’s start something!’”

Article supplied with thanks to Helping Hands TV.

About the Author: Helping Hands is an Australian produced TV program that airs on 9GEM, Channel 9 and 9NOW, and showcases people and organisations who make the world a better place.

Feature image: Canva

We live in an age where it’s easier than ever to stay “connected.” With just a few taps, we can message a friend, join a Zoom meeting, or scroll through updates from hundreds of people. And yet, more and more people report feeling lonely, unseen, and emotionally distant.

It’s the paradox of our time: We are hyperconnected, and yet deeply disconnected. The very tools designed to bring us closer can quietly pull us apart.

Dr. Sherry Turkle, an MIT sociologist and author of Alone Together, puts it bluntly: “We expect more from technology and less from each other.”

And she’s right. After decades of research, Turkle has uncovered a hard truth: the more we depend on technology to stay connected, the more our relationships lose their texture. They become flatter. Less spontaneous. Less messy. Less human.

When real connection feels too awkward, too vulnerable, or just too much, we often settle for a safer substitute, a quick text, a like, a scroll. It’s easy. It feels low-risk. But over time, these digital stand-ins strip away the depth and colour of real-life connection.

As she says, “Technology promises connection, but it often delivers just the illusion of companionship.”

We weren’t made for illusions. We were made for presence.

What Social Psychology Tells Us

Human beings are wired for connection. We thrive on eye contact, gentle tones, shared laughter, and being physically present with each other. These little relational cues help our brains regulate stress, build empathy, and feel safe. They’re not extras—they’re essential.

But the shortcuts that technology offers can quietly bypass these vital signals. Here’s how:

Phubbing (phone + snubbing): Glancing at your phone during a conversation, even for a second, has been shown to reduce emotional closeness and relationship satisfaction. It sends a quiet message: something else is more important than you right now.

Technoference: When phones interrupt our moments, meals, conversations, quality time, it doesn’t just distract us. It disconnects us. Research links this to more conflict, lower satisfaction, and less emotional attunement between partners.

Parasocial relationships: Following influencers, celebrities, or even online therapists can feel like connection. But it’s one-sided. We know them, but they don’t know us. And over time, that can quietly fuel comparison and loneliness.

In fact, a study from the University of Essex found that simply having a phone visible on the table, not even being used, was enough to make people feel less connected during a conversation.

Here’s the truth: We don’t need more content. We need more presence. More heads lifted. Eyes meeting. Hearts tuning in. Because the most meaningful moments in life? They don’t happen through a screen. They happen when we’re fully here.

Why This Matters for Mental Health

Psychologists have known this for years: social isolation is one of the biggest predictors of poor mental health.

But let’s be clear, loneliness isn’t just being alone. It’s not feeling emotionally connected, even when people are around.

And in a world where screen-time is replacing face-time, we’re seeing the effects: Anxiety and depression are on the rise, especially among teens and young adults, who are often the most digitally connected, but emotionally starved. Empathy is declining, as we miss the facial expressions, body language, and tone of voice that help us truly understand each other. Emotional burnout is growing, because our brains are constantly stimulated by content but not soothed by real connection.

One quote puts it perfectly: “Loneliness is not the absence of people. It’s the absence of connection.”

So maybe what we really need isn’t another message, scroll, or notification. Maybe what we need is to look up. Reach out. And be fully present with the people right in front of us.

So, what can you do?

This isn’t about ditching technology. It’s about using it more mindfully, so it serves our relationships, rather than replaces them. Here are a few ways to start:

1. Be Where Your Feet Are

When you’re with someone, be with them. Make eye contact. Put the phone away. Listen with your whole self. These small moments build safety and trust.

2. Create Tech-Free Zones

Designate parts of your day or home as device-free—like the dinner table, bedtime, or the first hour after waking. Protecting these moments fosters more meaningful interaction.

3. Go Deep, Not Wide

Instead of trying to “keep up” with everyone online, invest in a few core relationships. Depth is more healing than breadth.

4. Ask Real Questions

Move beyond “how’s it going?” Ask things like, What’s been weighing on you lately? What’s brought you joy this week? Real questions open the door to real connection.

5. Practise Digital Discernment

Curate your feed intentionally. Notice which accounts leave you feeling anxious, inadequate, or numb, and unfollow freely. Seek out content that uplifts but doesn’t replace real-world support.

There’s no app that can replace being known. No amount of likes that will satisfy the longing to be seen. And no filter that can offer the safety of a friend who listens with compassion.

Technology isn’t the enemy. But when it becomes the main way we connect, it can quietly crowd out the very thing we need most, true, relational presence.

About the Author: Sabrina is a pastor and a psychologist who is dedicated to helping people experience wholeness and growth. Passionate about building healthy families, she spends her days raising kids, supporting clients, and creating resources that inspire freedom and hope.

Article supplied with thanks to Sabrina Peters.

Feature image: Canva